Fate is no matter of choice

Did your life turn out the way you thought it would? Have you made the right choices at the right time in your life?

Lucky you, if you can say yes to both vital questions.

Today I walked right into the envy and regret of another middle-aged woman. She met me and asked herself the same two questions.

I do not know what answers she found, I do not have answers myself. But maybe that is impossible.

Right, here’s a little story about parting, making choices and maybe regretting them.

I had to part from my little bike today. My old Suzuki LS 650 Savage I have had for nearly 14 years. The engine was gone and I gave her away for scrapping.

all year round

It felt painfully final. The trips we’ve made together, the places we’ve seen, people we’ve met.

Scotland

So I went to get her de-registered. I pulled a number (105) and waited for my turn, filling in a few forms in the meantime. The woman, to whose desk I was being summoned by a modest bell, had long greyish hair, glasses and a pale complexion; nondescript, really.

She was typing away but she kept looking at my passport.

I had lost the number plate recently, abroad. She dealt with that, too. And she showed compassion because she could tell I was sad to see her go.

“Well” I said, “I have still got the Harley.”

Her eyebrows went up.

Yeah, I went on “A woman of today should have two bikes, shouldn’t she?” and gave her a big grin.

She just looked at my passport again, than at me.

“I don’t. And I am only a year older than you.” she said with a sad voice as if she wanted to say: And look at me!

Then she grabbed my arm and said: “But I have four children.”

“This is something you don’t have, do you?” she went on and then apologised for it straight away.

There will always be times when you regret the choices you’ve made. And there are times when they feel very right. Successful choices are matter of degree. 

Applecross

But your life is not only shaped by the choices you make. Fate makes most choices and leaves you to deal with it.

Yes, I have always wanted a Harley-Davidson. For as long as I can remember.

Is it poetic justice not to have children, then? 

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One day

The moment left only vague traces in my memory.

That point in time when it dawned on me that one day is maybe already in the past. That my today had passed it somehow. That warp of the human time line is what is generally called a midlife crisis.

The things you wanna do one day ….. and have never done. That shock of seeing that it might be too late. Maybe you will never do them…. Ever!

But you had believed you would all your life.

People react very differently to that realization.  Well, no. They don’t. It is a gender thing really.

See, men in their forties start looking for fresh flesh, young flesh. One that preferably does not speak but perform. In bed. They share their beds with younger women and it makes them feel better.

For women, that is naturally a different matter, a piece of flesh that doesn’t talk much is what most women already have in their marital beds. That piece of flesh often is the reason for having a crisis, not the solution to it.

I am not married so that fortunately does not apply to me. But I do feel just the same the unfortunate threat of getting old.

I my twenties I used to make sarky remarks about dentists in their 50s with a designer leather jacket and a Harley-Davidson in the well sized garage standing next to the Audi or Mercedes. Riding a Harley was the monogamous way of dealing with age in my view.

I am not a dentist now. But I own a big car. I have a career. I even own an Kookai leather jacket. I am 45.

I am one of the despised!!!